


I never believed you, I only wanted to

by SanAnn



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Comfort, Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-27
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 10:28:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanAnn/pseuds/SanAnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to love someone when he shares his love between you and the drugs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I never believed you, I only wanted to

It’s been one year and three months.  
  
A passing car lights the sidewalk, and it’s like a snapshot. Jensen catches _his_ face in the crowd, street lights flickering on his face; red and blue, bright. He walks smiling. There’s someone next to him. He is ten steps and a year and three months away.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been four years and two months since the first night in hospital.  
  
Jensen’s blue shirt clings to him; vomit-stained and soaked in tears. Smell of sickness chases him as they rush through the hospital halls. A wheelchair makes an offending squeaky sound and Jensen can’t take his eyes away, off of the patch of his wrist where Jared’s pale fingers close tight around it. As long as Jared’s fingers hurt him, the image of Jared’s lolling head to one side in the wheelchair is not as bad as it seems.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been four years and one week since Jensen believed Jared.  
  
A whisper in the daylight; leaving a shadow of the hospital behind, “You’ll be my only drug, Jensen.” A promise.  
A broken promise.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been three years since that fight.  
  
 _No more, no more_.  
  
Blood dripping from the nose on his white t-shirt, Jensen avoids Jared’s gaze, concentrating on keeping himself from shaking like a leaf.  
  
Suitcases packed up in hurry and are waiting by the door. A hope flickers inside Jensen, anticipating the moment when he gets out of the door and will have a chance to start breathing again.  
  
“Jensen, please. One last chance. Please.” Jared’s split lip and black eye catch Jensen’s attention first. Jensen’s own handiwork.  
  
Jared’s hazel eyes beg and Jensen jerks his head, desperately trying to avoid looking into Jared’s eyes. Jensen’s gaze lands on the door—his own last chance to escape—before his eyes meet Jared’s. He loses again.  
  
Jensen doesn’t trust Jared. He only wants to.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been two years and two months since that party.  
  
Close friends, jokes and laughs.  
  
Happiness boiling over like the beer over the edges of the bottles Jared keeps bringing for their quests. Beer tastes sweet on Jensen’s tongue. Victory taste. Jensen won. Jared chose him over the ghosts, over Jensen’s invincible enemy.  
  
Jensen says goodbye to the last guest and goes to find Jared, smile on his lips.  
  
Bathroom’s door is wide open and Jared’s wrists look pale in comparison to the red blood that escapes Jared’s body.  
  
Cell phone’s buttons lose their meaning when Jensen tries to read the numbers in order to dial 911.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been two years since Jared found Jensen on their couch, eyes blurred, needle on the coffee table.  
  
“I wanted to know why you love it more than me,” mumbles Jensen when Jared shakes him hard and slaps his face.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been one year and eleven months since Jared checked into the rehab clinic.  
  
Jared’s fingers tremble when he signs the documents. He looks so pale and fragile that Jensen holds him even tighter.  
  
Jensen doesn’t like the place, doesn’t like leaving Jared here. He wants them both to leave and return to their own bubble of hurting love, failed attempts, and dying hope.  
  
Instead, he brushes his lips against Jared’s knuckles, “Every day. I’ll come to see you every day.”  
  
  
  
  
It’s been one year and three months since Jared’s breakdown.  
  
“I can’t even look at you. I want to erase your face and every memory of you off this world.” Jared spits the words and Jensen just stands there, soaking in every line of disdain off Jared’s face.  
  
When Jared starts screaming “I hate you” and moves closer in an attempt to hit Jensen, male nurses come and take a numb Jensen away.  
  
Jared’s doctor says that Jared needs space, needs a break from Jensen in order to get better. The whole time Jensen examines the picture of the doctor and his family on his desk.  
  
After, he nods and goes away, never coming back.  
  
  
  
  
It’s been one year and three months, and Jensen never thought he’d meet Jared again.  
  
Jared is okay now. Jensen knows he is okay. He asked Jared’s doctor to make a call when Jared gets out of the clinic.  
  
It’s been four months now.  
  
And it’s only two steps between them now.  
  
Jensen plans to pass by. They will go their separate ways. It always had to end like this. _Their own happy-ending_. With Jared being okay and with Jensen finally letting _them_ go.  
  
One year and three months apart can be enough now.  
  
It should end like this.  
  
Jared passes him and Jensen lets out a deep breath, heart stuck in his throat.  
  
“Jensen,” There’s a hope in Jared’s voice.  
  
Jensen turns around, breath catching.  
  
They look at each other for a long time. One year and three months didn’t change them.  
  
When Jared smiles, Jensen takes a step towards him.


End file.
